The death of rodger, part 1 of 3 in the rodger series =D

Ok this story was written because i was sitting next to a top notch guy, whom got bummed in the funky box (as rumour dictates) and i wanted to annoy the fuck out of him =D

One day chrispy left his one bedroom crackshack, which was very VERY dilapidated to hunt Rodger! On the other side of the crackshack. Rodger was selling some , some… Crack, yes crack! At this point it was 12 o’clock, a comet hit Rodger in the penis… he died, needless to say Chrispy was devastated. Chrispy then imploded and his guts went UGGHGGH  and then someone had chud on kerris head, no names.

Suddenly ducky died of aids. Grundy was the culprit, he was spreading his fluids about with all the top lads cause hes a gay yes a gay he likes to bum boys cause hes a gay. He got aids because he got bummed by a gay man in the funky box and thus got AIDS. He prefers red hair though, he has a red hair fetish so I was scared because I have a pink fringe and I am a lad, thus grundy is aroused. Leah bought a gun to shoot herself alongside jess dey cause she despises jess dey, but alas I intervened took the gun, shot grundy and shot jess and tubes whilst I was at it. Leah got done for murder cause it twas her gun and I laughed, that other slag (Ashleigh)  complained, so I bucked her down with my 9 milli BRAAAP.

The Po-lice where after me now, sooo I purchased an armoured ve-hacle and a repeat RPG, suddenly a mass virus broke out. ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE TURNED INTO GAY ZOMBIE LIKE CREATURES. I say that in the sense that they need to bum the same sex instead of eating them. However nyree was devastated cause she struggled to get cock cause all the males were being molested by the gaybies (the gay zombie like creatures), and the female gaybies were put off because of the anal cavity. So she resorted to violence, the bitch assaulted me so I pistol whipped the bint, and proceeded to get the boyshh like aron and stotty to rape her. Bitch never back talked me again, I then decided to go to a museum and get some armour.

Now grundy in his gaybie form went onto hunt down squishy ben and rape him, converting him into a gaybie. This made me enraged, so I shot him with my rpg, thus fucking him up, leading to the revalation of how to destroy the gaybies. Nyree still not getting cock, resorted to stotty some more. She told stotty he was shit in the sack, so he cut off his penis and jumped off a cliff in rage. She still want the cock so she went onto invent a gaybie converter, which essentially made the gaybies straight.  Then birko luke died cos he killed himself due to laura shagging grundy and therefore getting gaybies. The straight gaybies  repeatedly raped nyree for a laugh and she was very very pleased.

Ducky (in straight gaybie form) emerged out of the blue and was moving steadily towards Palmer’s mum, palmers mum was then buzzing cause she was about to get cock, but then suddenly a big fat Arabic man with a pink turban appeared, he pulled out a giant scimitar out and scream “LAUAHLUAHLUAHLUAHLUAHLAUH”. Needless to say that fat little arab man killed palmers ma, and even the now straight gaybie ducky, Fuck mann duckys dead AGAIN. The Arabic man challenged me to a duel, I agreed, he had his sword drawn, but the daft cunt didn’t see my rpg, BOOOM an the arab is gone! Like cilit bang.

“Oh my fucking god where’s Chrispy with ma crackkk!” Chrispy’s brother Dave popped out of his house and said “I duno where he is.” I was screwed… doubly screwed.. no crack and gaybies about, I then turned around to see nyree being pillaged by the straight gaybies and she moaned in arousal whilst being eaten. “Fuck.” Said I! Dave then said “what ?”…. I replied “YOU DICKHEAD! We could get eaten!” … “Oh shit yeah!” said Dave. Other people like aron mcnobhead where capitalising on the mass amount of virgins whom did not want to die a virgin, and thus getting tha gash.

AIDS EVERYBODIES GOT AIDS, (BMP). Except teabag! However we now need to get to the presidents blackhouse. It was the white house but Barack coloured it black cause he’s mad like that. We were in a bad way, with a never ending tunnel in sight! We hijacked a boat blud, t’was a bit of a hell mission but we were up to the task! Charl the dickhead tried to rob the boat before us, but I pulled out my 9 milli and busted a cap in her nose. She cried. So we threw her overboard and let her be deflowered by a horde of straight gaybies. “OH, FUCK!”

I screamed, we were screwed, in fact we were UBER-SCREWED. It was Tubes in gaybie form! Then out of the blue chrispy crawled out a cave with a tactical twelve gauge shotty and cried URGGHHHHHHHH and a aluminous green coloured weed smoking utensil and he said “I’m Known for killing and rapein’ nuns, even handicapped and cripple bitches”… it was quite blatantly a line from Big-L Devil’s son, we then carried on our epic journey on the boat, Grundys mum appeared, in see-through lingerie, she offered out the gash, so we all hit that shit. Now our crew consisted of ; Me, Fish, Chrispy, Dave, John-Luc, Manley, Cowle, Grundy’s mum, Carl that Kerri girl and Kieran was there wasn’t he? 

We left das boat in America… wait! We’re in Meh-hee-ko! Shit. Kieran was getting eaten by a rabid dog called jasper, whom we would later befriend. We ran to the nearest bar, inside the bar, the decoration was in poor taste, tables on the floor, broken windows and bloody corpses everywhere! There was a loud rustling sound, I picked up a bottle… An ominous figure jumped up at me, so naturally I bottled the bastard!  “Fucking hell, again!” screamed the floored figure. I recognised the voice so I gave it a quick gander… shit. I bottled Geo. She tagged along the geg. We entered hell like kalumbu on his boxhead, needless to say kalumbu was already dead.

We had been travelling for weeks, and we still didn’t know where in hells name we were then suddenly some idiot dressed like Rambo popped up with mines, rockets and mac-10’s and shiz. We all thought “Fuck.” We were boned, no not boned, we were up the river Ganges with an oar stuck up all our arses, that’s how screwed we were. Suddenly Dean turned up with a yellow school bus, we were fuckin’ saved! We jumped in and drove straight at the Rambo wannabe, “OH SHIT! WHY DEAN, WHY !?!” Said Bowl

“Remember year 7 history?” Said Dean

“Oh fuck, yeah ! hey this aint a volcano !” Said Bowl

“Who Cares” Said Dean

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUSE TALKIN’ ABOUT” Screamed fish

“LOOK OUT ROC…..” Geo tried to scream, but when she started talking a rocket was fired. Kablamo. Needless to say it was a disaster, the bus was fucked , Dean was dying with his last breath he said “ Bowly, Bowly, Bowly !”. I screamed “DAMN YOU, YOU DAMN GAYBIES! DAMN YOU ALL TOO HELL AND DAMN YOU RAMBO WANABE!” I found the wannabe’s corpse, oh shit, we killed blakey, why the fuck did he start shootin’ us the fuckin’ bell end? Well the only people left were, me , Fish, Geo (Cause shes ARDD’ and she’ll bang me if she dies), Chrispy and manley (But manley was missin’ an arm so we left ‘im to die).

We had reached DC at last. Fuck me there were Gaybies about, for some strange reason, they were all outside the blackhouse, which was now red, thus being the red house. Chrispy said “ Go on with out me.”

“What, why?” said I

“Ok” said Geo the harsh bitch

“I WANT TOO KILL SOME NOOBS” Screamed Chrispy, so we buggered off. So needless to say Chrispy died a painful death, Flo appeared, with a Barrack tee on and said “Follow me!” So we followed Flo. Flo told us Barack had a secret plan to destroy AIDS permanently and destroy that virus thingy ma-jigger. We Reached the oval office Barack was getting some head off some white intern girl. Meanwhile Tubes Banged Chrispys ma. Barack had the Virus antidote, Boo-Yar. Oh shit. Barack suddenly died, for no apparent reason, this pissed me off. MISSING TEXT. “AT LAST THE ANTIDOTE!” said Fish

“Hmmm how the fuck do we use it?” Said I suddenly soft Knob ed’ palmer smacked the antidote out of Fish’s hand.

Boom. Purple Aki appeared and felt Geo’s muscles. We all died.

Fin.